If you are concerned about someone you think may be experiencing domestic or sexual violence, there is a lot you can do to help. It is ok to not know what to do. It is ok to feel uncomfortable about getting involved. It is ok to feel overwhelmed. However, it is not okay to turn a blind eye to it. Not anymore.

If you have spotted signs that have made you uncomfortable and wonder if someone is a victim/survivor of DSGBV, then go with your gut instinct. Don’t wait for them to approach you but look for a private moment when you can express concern and let them know they are not alone and that you are there to support them. Do not confront their abuser as you will put yourself and them in danger by doing so. If you think they are in immediate danger speak to An Garda Síochána or ring one of the national domestic violence helplines.

The most important thing you can do to help someone is to provide emotional support and listen to them if they are ready to talk to you. Be aware that talking about experiencing DSGBV is incredibly difficult, and they may not be ready to talk to you about it. DSGBV if often about power and control and the person you are concerned about may resist wanting to talk about what has happened or might just not be able to yet. That is perfectly okay and do not force them.

If someone does disclose to you that they are a victim of DSGBV, tell them you believe them and just listen to whatever they want to say to you. It is important that you are supportive and not judgemental. Just tell them you are concerned and that no matter what has happened to them, none of it is their fault. Provide information on supports available but do not advise them. Don’t just tell them to leave the relationship. The most dangerous time for someone suffering domestic violence is when they leave. They will know the best time to do that. Tell them you will go with them to get support.

If you find yourself in a situation where someone tells you directly or indirectly that they have experienced sexual assault of some description, it is important that the person feels safe and comfortable talking to you.

Here is some advice about how to respond to that person.

It is important to remember that you cannot make decisions for the person, only they can decide what action they wish to take.

What you can do is:

• tell the person you are glad they told you about what happened, and that you want to help
• tell them you believe them
• tell them that they do not have to be alone with this
• tell them that they have time to think about what they want to do, and that you will continue to help them
• give them time to think. If this is the first time they have told anyone, they might “pull back” a little and need to get used to the idea that someone else knows
• if it is a very recent assault, tell them about the options available at a Sexual Assault Treatment Unit and about the possibility of reporting the incident to An Garda Síochána, if they are willing to do so
• tell them that the decision is really up to them, and that you will support their decision
• tell them that you can help them find out about support agencies and assist them to ring a support agency. You can offer to go with them to the support agency for the first time, if they want

You may at times find it difficult to give your support, and you can ring your local Rape Crisis Centre or the Rape Crisis Helpline (1800 77 88 88 ) to get help about this.

Research shows clearly that a good response to a disclosure makes an enormous difference to victims, including in their long-term recovery and in their decision to take up support services.

To learn more about supporting someone dealing with domestic violence visit the following websites:

• For female focused support go to: https://www.womensaid.ie/get-help/helping-someone-else/
• For male focused support go to: https://www.mensaid.ie/faq/

Or for information on supporting someone who is a victim/survivor of sexual violence go to: https://www.rapecrisisireland.ie/find-help/resources-for-supporters/